Day 45: Getting back to discipline

Pain Level: 0 - Not that I can really remember.

Swelling: Patience...

Sleep last night: Better, because I was at the retreat, but not great.
Other weirdness: My stitches have been dropping out. I used to have three prominent (and initially painful) ones on my gums right above my two front teeth, but they have all dropped off now. It's interesting.

Mood: Still tired. I think I just need more sleep.

Just got back from a strategic planning retreat today for one of my networks, and there is so much that I have to think about. I intended to come home and straighten out my "life" a little - considering that all my administrative life, and room environment has been so far neglected and left in disarray - but I ended up cooking, eat, and watching cupcake wars and other food shows.

I think part of me is confused about the route I'd like to take with my life right now and that's causing me to avoid all "progressive steps" to whatever it is I want to do. I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like there are two sides of me warring with each other. One which just needs to stop and process a lot of things - whether I've really gotten over things (after two long years =_= and so much pain), all that has happened so far with the case, the jaw surgery and all the physical changes and psycho-emotional effects... - and the other who just wants to pick up and get going with all that life has to offer me. It's like constant battle now. I suppose that battle has been the main constant thing in life now... on the periphery, have been things like trying out new syringe-friendly and soft-foods recipes, and thinking about dreams that I have and just might want to achieve. But thinking doesn't do diddlysquat. I've got to do something about that.

Just another rebel meal.
Had a good reality check
after this one though.
Time to get back to
SYRINGES. :(

Ever since I ate that chawanmushi the other day, I have been rebelling against my syringe and pretty much all pureed foods/soups for the past week. I've been eating almost ANYTHING that I can crush/squish and fit into the tiny space between my teeth. I broke my bands THREE times. The first time they snapped, I totally freaked out and didn't know what to do. I sought help on the FB group and Orthoman fixed it the next day, but it snapped the day after Orthoman fixed it (I was eating some solidish food). The next two times they snapped, I think I literally thought "Oh whatever, I'm eating anyway". I have been a semi-good girl though and haven't quite chewed on anything... well, I suppose I tried it out on two occasions and regretted it so much (because they were painful and felt like little bits of food were going to get stuck in between my molars - where I can't brush properly now!) that I stopped the attempts. #^_^# I have now been given a whole pack of bands (also known as "elastics") from Orthoman to bring home...which I had such a tough time figuring out how to put on. At my recent visit to Orthoman, he mentioned that in two weeks, we might be able to stop the banding... which I had, and have, mixed feelings about. I somehow feel a lot more secure with the bands on. There's just something about knowing that there's something there to hold everything together.

My strength training regime has also fallen off the bandwagon ever since I started getting back to the office and getting busier. I somehow need to bring a little more discipline and self-control in my life - in terms of controlling my eating, being disciplined with my strength-training, and committing to my walks or something. It's something I just need to get back in line in my life.

Okay, I'm just going to stop thinking and head to sleep now. I think sleep needs to be one of my top priorities in life now... next to exercise and good nutrition. Then comes family and work.

Food Report (Saturday)

I can't remember what I ate the rest of the day, but I ate SO much at a wedding dinner I attended. I ate a little of EVERY course - including roasted chicken, fish, vegetables, abalone, fish maw soup, chilli crab with a fried mantou, and yam paste! And yes, I did bring my tiny spoon. I just can't do real adult-sized cutlery or chopsticks yet.

Food Report (Sunday)

Breakfast

• Half an Egg Tart, Half a Custard Puff
• A handful of mashed blueberries
• Supplements: HiOmega3, CalcD, Vitamin B, Redoxon+Zinc, Floron Iron Tablet

Lunch

• A quarter of a pandan waffle, a little morsel of pistachio & raspberry cake

Dinner

• 1 bowl of ginseng chicken soup with Quinoa
• 6-8 thin slices of herb smoked salmon
• 1 bowl of Spicy Olive Quinoa
• 2 Tbspn of Nutella with Black Sesame and Almond Milk, some Almond Butter and Coconut Oil
• Supplements: HiOmega3, CalcD