Thursday, July 31, 2014

Day 42: Ravenous.

Pain Level: 0 - Not that I can really remember.
Swelling: Still there, people say it's going down.
Sleep last night: Terrible. Slept at around 3am.
Other weirdness: A few of my teeth feel a little weird. I've been having a few fainting spells... And I've also recently been RAVENOUS for food.
Mood: Tired.


I know I haven't been posting over the past few days as my energy has seemed to be very sapped. I haven't been sleeping well and somehow I've been very distracted. My strength training regime has pretty much fallen through, and my mind seems to wander a lot nowadays. I've been sleeping at something like 3 or 4 am as I haven't been able to get to sleep, and I haven't been able to get to work as planned. Maybe it's anxiousness, maybe my body is in some weird healing phase, but I'm going to try to get to work early in the morning again tomorrow.

Today marked the day when my appetite totally went out of control! I was constantly hungry and just couldn't think of anything else except food and hunger! I think it has something to do with the sugars I've been taking (ice-cream, nutella, and all sorts of new carbs) and the fact that I've started experimenting eating with a small spoon.

I met up with my aunt and cousin today and we had DIM SUM at Imperial Treasures! I had to bring out my tiny spoon and syringe, and it took me pretty much forever to eat, but it was DELICIOUS! I could only have porridge and soft dumplings, but it was amazing knowing that I could actually have dim sum! The meal made me UBER happy. I can't wait till I can actually eat har gows and the flaky pastries that are oh-so-good. Why is it that it's always the fried crispy things that taste the best? *resigned sigh*

I might have mentioned this before, but I've also been getting a lot of fainting spells...and they seem to be getting worse. Sometime earlier this week, I even collapsed on my knees before my eyes refocused. I told Surgeonman about it at our appointment yesterday and he said that I'm probably borderline anemic, so I'm going to try to take the iron tablets that the blood bank gave me at my autologous, and hope it'd help some... maybe it'd even improve the state of my hair.

I'll have to update Days 39-41 sometime on the weekend. So much happened over the past three days - going for long walks, as well as my appointments with Surgeonman and Orthoman (I have some wires off!) - but I'm a little too tired tonight and all I want to do is sleep now (which is good considering I haven't been getting much rest).

Here's my terrible gluttonous food report for the day...I seriously think it has been the carb-overload giving me these ravenous cravings...argh, I still have 10 kilos more of pre-op weight gain to lose! Go away, plateau!

Food Report
Breakfast (missed because I was rushing out :/)

  • Supplements: HiOmega3, Vitamin B
Lunch (Dim Sum @ Imperial Treasures!!!! All eaten in very small bits with my tiny spoon & syringe. ^^)

  • Half a large Char Siew Pau
  • 1 Chee Cheong Fun Roll
  • 1 Large Dumpling in Soup
  • 1 bowl of Century Egg Porridge
  • Supplements: 1 CalcD tablet

Snack

  • 1 Egg Salad Sandwich (ergh, white bread...)

Dinner:

  • One bowl of carrot and tomato clear soup
  • Half bowl of century egg porridge
  • Something like three morsels of leafy greens I tried to stuff in my little gap between my teeth.
  • ONE CUP of Nutella & Black Sesame with Unsweetened Almond Milk (I don't know why I was totally ravenous for chocolate tonight...I think it's cause my "time of the month" is coming.)
  • Supplements: CalcD, Floron Iron Tablet, Hi-Omega3

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Day 38: Of Happy Walks and Rewards

Pain Level: 1 - A lot of tingling in the numb parts of my chin and lip whilst I was on my walk today. I think exercise stimulates my nerves! I should do more of these walks!
Swelling: It's going down slooowly.
Sleep last night: Not too good. Slept at 3. I don't know why I'm sleeping so late nowadays..I think I might be eating too late. :/
Other weirdness: I honestly think my hair is doing a lot better now. Yay for supplements!
Mood: Happy... exercise and walks in nature makes me happy. :)


Got a pair of pretty new shoes today
to mark the beginning of many
wonderful walks and runs. :)
I went out for a walk at the reservoir with the bestie today and I am SO thankful for her. We talked through quite a few things - specifically about charting my life and all the confusion that I have been battling. I think it's a real relief to have friends who are practical and logical and who can talk you through life when things get really emotional and confusing. Thank God for friends like that.

So after our long walk, I've decided to just go ahead with exploring the world of modeling, but also keeping academia in sight. Tomorrow I'm just going to make the bold step to send in my Masters application and see where that leads me. This journey of re-discovery of myself and my strengths has really been very eye-opening for me. I am thankful for this season. 

Walks are really therapeutic for me. There's just something about being in nature that helps me think better. I think I'm going to try to incorporate walks into my everyday life, or at least every weekend, and maybe every public holiday too. :)  I think I shall put up a list of places I shall conquer around Singapore. :) Tomorrow, I shall conquer the Tampines Eco Park (I didn't even know that existed!). I can't wait!

I've also decided to draw up a "recovery milestone" rewards chart. At one-month post--op, I rewarded myself with a mani and padi and it was really encouraging for me. It's like a little celebration to look forward to. Here are my upcoming rewards that I have planned - each carefully thought through in projecting whether I will be able to be in the right physical health to endure the processes of each of them. :)

Ariela's Recovery Milestone Rewards Chart (General Plan)

  • One month Post-Op (20 Jul)Mani & Pedi
  • Two months Post-Op (20 Aug): 17 Aug, Singapore Children's Society 3km walk & A feet, neck back and shoulders massage at Holland Village after. :)
  • Three months Post-Op (20 Sep): Haircut Makeover at Next. I think a lot of swelling should be gone by then for me to have a new hairstyle. Hopefully!
  • Four months Post-Op (20 Oct, My birthday is coming! :D): A short easy hiking weekend getaway in Tioman (probably in Nov).
  • Five months Post-Op (20 Nov):
    16 Nov Run for Hope 10km run. (Hopefully I'll be able to run...or at least walk really fast.)
  • Six months Post-Op (20 Dec, Christmas is coming!): A delicious PALEO PARTY. Dinner of Paleo PIZZAS and all sorts of other stuff. A Paleo Cauliflower-crust pizza. :D I can't wait!
  • Seven months Post-Op (20 Jan 2015, One month to CNY): Hiking & Nature trip + SHOPPING SPREE in BANGKOK. (Also depends if Ii get into my Masters.)
  • Ten months Post-Op (20 Apr 2015): Back to Fencing! Splurge on fencing gear.
  • One-year Post-Op (20 June 2015): Photoshoot for portfolio 
  • October 2015: Germany for Anuga!. :)
  • Two-years Post-op (Graduation from Masters July 2016): Visit England and volunteer there for the Summer.

Things are looking up. 
Take that depression! :)

I'm really enjoying coming
up with syringe-friendly
recipes. :)
Food Report
Day 38 (Sunday)
Brunch

  • Two bowls of Apple & Herb Salmon Quinoa (This was so delicious! :)))
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule, Vitamin B

Dinner

  • 1 cup Chocolate Banana Blueberry & Almond Blend (Chock-filled with goodness!)
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule, 1 cup Redoxon


Saturday, July 26, 2014

Day 37: Trying to Adapt

Pain Level: 0 - Still numb. 
Swelling: Seems to be stagnating. Saw some recent pictures of me taken by others and I'm really not used to this much rounder face. :(
Sleep last night: Not too good. I'm starting to sleep really late nowadays... and waking up is to a series of terribly disruptive sounds of bangs and whatnots because of the sisters in the room.
Other weirdness: Surgeonman told me that my stitches would naturally drop off by themselves. I think one from my upper jaw came out today as I rinsed my mouth after brushing my teeth. I totally freaked out for a bit when I saw something came out with the water from my mouth. It's pretty interesting.
Mood: Reflective.

Just updating here to keep the food log in check. Nothing too different has happened over the past few days. It has been mainly been about work, and self-discovery. I'm still kinda in a "low" about what I want to do in my life and where I am headed. Part of me is seriously considering moving out to get my own place so that I can at least wake up peacefully and have a controlled and organized environment. And another part of me is looking further abroad to just go somewhere else and start a new life elsewhere. I'm heading out for a walk with a girlfriend tomorrow to hopefully try to sort things out in my heart and mind.

I can't quite get used to the new face I have and still feel weird when I see myself in pictures (of which I have allowed three so far...). I honestly feel like I look like some alien of some sort... even though I have had a few comments that I look prettier now. Yesterday I met a girl I worked with on a project in a lift. I smiled at her and she just stared at me analyzing my face trying to recall where she had met me, and she literally went "OH MY GOODNESS! It's you! You look so different!" or something to that extent. I think my head blanked out after that because all I could do was smile. Then again, I had a bajillion thoughts that bombarded me like "is that a good thing?" "what does that mean?" and "oh no. nononononononono..." Something like that. But yeah, I'm slowly adapting. Slooooooowly.

I've been trying to occupy my time with little joys like uploading interesting syringe-friendly foods/recipes onto my IG account. I haven't quite got down to managing my personal paperwork or organizing my personal space in my room, but I think I'll make some time tomorrow.

Food Report

Day 35 (Thursday)

Breakfast
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule (Had to rush out for a work appointment. No time to eat. :/)
Lunch (Was really heavy... probably because I didn't have breakfast)
  • 1 bowl Mediterranean Cous Cous with paprika
  • 1 cup banana soy almond blend marbled with 2 tbspns of Nutella with 1 tsp of coconut oil (This is becoming a habit :/ I'm getting addicted to Nutella.)
  • Supplements: 1 Vitamin Tablet, 1 cup Redoxon
Dinner
  • 4 bowls of Cod & Spinach Soup (was pretty watered down so I don't think it was too high in cals.)
  • Nutella with some Almond Milk.... I have serious cravings for chocolate. I think cause my time of the month is coming.
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule

Day 36 (Friday)

Brunch
  • 1.5 bowl of salmon quinoa
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule, Vitamin B tablet
Lunch/Dinner 
Missed. :/ (Had stuff on... Too busy to eat and I was too tired by the time I got home.)

Day 37 (Saturday)
Brunch
  • 2 bowls Herb and Mint Salmon Quinoa
  • Supplements: Hi-Omega 3 capsule, CalcD tablet, Vitamin B Tablet, 1 cup Redoxon
Snack

  • 4 tbspns of Nutella with Half a cup of Unsweetened Almond Milk (don't know why but I feel like I needed some chocolate)

Dinner (I kinda spoiled dinner with my chocolatey snack :()
  • 3 sips of Iced Spearmint Green Tazo Tea.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Day 34: Food Post! Syringe-friendly food!

Pain Level: 0 - Didn't really feel any pain today. My right cheek is still a little tight which makes smiling a little weird. But I expect it to improve in time.
Swelling: Gone down just a tad I think.
Sleep last night: A little late, but I'm hoping to improve that today.
Other weirdness:  Nothing too weird happened today. That's a good thing I think. :)
Mood: Happy...hopeful to overcome my work slump.

I cooked great foods today and probably ate the biggest meals since the surgery. I've had dessert at both meals and I even had THREE bowls of cous cous tonight (Achievement Unlocked!). Really surprised myself that I had such a good appetite today... but I guess it might have been the rice... or the chocolate. :)

I've been stumped by work for a while and today something just clicked in me to let go of the stress. I'm looking forward to getting back to the office tomorrow... I somehow have not been able to get back. I think I might get back into the swing of things again tomorrow. Hopefully my body and mind will hold up.

Other than that, I think it's cooking that's been giving me some joy. The whole challenge of thinking of creative possibilities that'd fit into my little syringe has been giving me a happy perk. And even better that they taste SO good... so much better than my first weeks of soups, bland meals, and terribly sweet juices. I've been posting a few of them on IG and I was glad that I could encourage some other jaw surgery patients that they could still survive stuck with a syringe. Thought I'd post some of them here too...

Mains...






Desserts & Snacks... 



Food Report

Breakfast

  • 2 bowls Preserved Olive Porridge with Cajun Spices and Paprika (I just love the taste)
  • 1 cup Creamier Lavender and Earl Grey Ice-cream marbled with 2 tbspns of Nutella (It was SO delicious)
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule, Redoxon (Vit C+Zinc)

Lunch

  • Vitamin B tablet  
Dinner

  • 3 bowls of Mediterranean Cous Cous with paprika (was SO good. Loved it that there were red capsicums in it!)
  • 1/2 cup of Unsweetened Almond Milk
  • 2 teaspoons Nutella (had a chocolate craving)
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule

High point of the day
Cooking great foods today. Visiting my office for a bit.
Low point of the day
Felt a bit low under the stress of work earlier in the day.

Day 33: Unmotivated

Pain Level: 1 -  Got weird electrocutey feelings in my chin and lip (where it's currently numb) on my walk out to the supermarket today. Other than that, nothing much bothered me today.
Swelling: I've pretty much given up on keeping track now.
Sleep last night: Was okay. I think I got about 6 hours. Weird dreams.
Other weirdness: Pee tonight was a neon yellow today. I think it's because I've added a Vitamin B supplement to my diet. #0_o# Rash below nose still there. One little rash seems to have developed into a bump.
Mood: Unmotivated.

I've recently become very disinterested in work issues and a lot more interested in the activities that I feel are more important in my life. It's hard to put a finger on it, but I think I've just become very much jaded by all that has been going on around me - dealing with legal issues, trying to figure people out, considering business options.... is this the life I want to live?

Today my mind just focused on what was a serious, but perhaps silly question, "Is it possible to grow taller at this age?"

I've been researching a couple of different options - including this weird, but seemingly very wide-spread one called "Grow Taller for Idiots", and there's another one which works with a pill and stretches. I'm a little skeptical, so I'm going to hold on to the purchases for a while and talk to one of my aunts. My aunt actually did visit a doctor who prescribed her sons with some growth hormone pills and now they are REALLY tall. I'll be meeting up with her on Thursday to ask her about it... I figure that if there is something out there that works, even if it's just exercise and proper sleeping patterns, I might just give it a go. If I'm serious about exploring modeling, I need to break into the 5'4 or more.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I suppose it is a good thing that there is a certain level of commitment and passion to getting to this goal of mine. If it works, it might just open new doors for me. Maybe. But at least I try.

I'll have to get back on track tomorrow. A lot of people are depending on me.
I also need to start thinking about the future (beyond all the whirlwind of stuff at work) soon.

In the meantime, I've keeping myself well occupied with research and writing... and thinking of new syringe-friendly foods so that I will keep myself satiated as I can feel my body starting to craving to chew on things again. I've been encouraged by a friend that I should really be posting up my photos and recipes of my plethora of syringe-friendly foods... Maybe I'll do a food, or "food", post soon. :) Gotta watch my weight though... I still have about 8 kilos to lose to get to my target weight.

Food Report

Brunch (Woke up a little late today)

  • 1 bowl of preserved olive porridge with a dash of cajun spices and paprika (this was SO good!)
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule, Redoxon (Vit C+Zinc)
This was dinner tonight. :)
Herb-baked salmon with
spinach in egg drop soup.
I was SO happy how protein-packed
it was... and that I had VEGETABLES!
Tea
  • 1 can of coconut water (Yuck. Wish it were fresh. It tastes so different (see: disgusting) in a can.)
  • Supplements: Vitamin B
Dinner
  • 2 bowls of herb-baked salmon with spinach in egg drop soup
  • One piece of fried breadcrumb crusted fish which was one of the dishes for the family dinner today.  (I tore it into tiny bits and put it into my mouth... yes, I even tried to chew a bit. But it didn't work. Tasted nice though... even though I had to swallow it like a pill at the end.)
  • Supplements: CalcD tablet, Hi-Omega3 capsule

Exercise
  • Walked out to the supermarket
High point of the day
I think getting some outside-work work done.
Low point of the day
Not getting much real work done.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Day 32: Weird Observations and Profile shots.

Pain Level: 0 - Or maybe I'm just getting used to my weird left jaw joint.
Swelling: I can't quite tell whether it's going up or down anymore.
Sleep last night: Pretty good. I think I slept a full 8 hours from 12am - 8am.
Other weirdness:  Stray threads and all sorts of weird stuff today.
Mood: Looking forward to the future.

Today was a day of weird observations.

For one, I've noticed some random stray threads drifting to the front of my teeth as I brush now. I know Surgeonman told me my stitches would drop off by themselves, but this was pretty scary. I was afraid of accidentally pulling on it and loosening something...like some part of my jaw that would drop out or something.


This was taken when
I was really swollen
around Day 3 or 4.
Can you see that
little wound on my lip?
It was from the op,
and it's now a little
crater. :(
I've also been feeling this rough patch behind my bottom incisors. At first, I thought it was some gross plaque of some sort building up (because it's a pretty difficult spot to reach with my toothbrush with my bands on). After doing a little research, I found out it's probably a (the?) spicuole - the walls of the tooth socket (Description can be found here.)  It freaked me out a bit to know that I could feel a TOOTH SOCKET. I mean, how much must the gums behind my teeth have receded for me to actually be able to feel the walls of the socket that used to hold it? Isn't that a freaky thought? It's apparently common and it's supposed to smooth out though.

On other notes, I think one of the surgeons/medical staff took a little nick off my skin at the corner of my lip and it has now become a little crater. :( It's not visible from afar, but I can definitely see the depression in my bathroom lights and it's really sad. I'm going to try to use Vitamin E to massage it daily now and hope it will naturally "fill up" again. :(

I've also developed some sort of rash today just below the sides of my nostrils. They're not the itchy sort of rashes...just a little red and bumpy. This was superbly random. I have absolutely no idea what's the cause of them. The only added thing to my diet today has been the Hi-Omega 3 tablet...which I doubt would cause rashes. I'm guessing I must have touched something and accidentally touched my face.

Other than that, I did a really brave thing today...I actually uploaded my pre and post profile shots onto the amazing Jaw Surgery FB group because I went into a little one-month post-op panic that I might have an overbite now (instead of my underbite that I was trying to fix). This was it:


Posted this in the FB Jaw Surgery group for support and feedback.
The top is my profile from before, and the bottom is at it is now.
I'm still pretty swollen and I was so worried that I might have an overbite now.
Everyone in the FB group thought it looked great though (which was a big surprise). I guess I might be overly critical of myself. Someone in the group made a comment though that I look really different. I think I've come to terms with the fact (based on the feedback of the different groups of people that I have met) that there are just some people who are going to think that I look really different, and others who think I look the same. Just as there are some days I think there hasn't been much of a change, and others which I dread to look in the mirror and spend an hour or so covering up the bottom half of my face, wishing it'd look different. Two of them thought I could consider genioplasty...which I have been wondering if the right call was made to have not done it. But I doubt I'd do it. If it's not necessary medically, why go through all of this again right?

I'm looking forward to seeing Surgeonman and Orthoman soon. Everytime I see them, I feel like the world's a better place and that this process is going much better than my nerves and insecurities sometimes skew them to be.

On other notes, I did do my research on my German classes, and Petite Modeling (even though at 5'3 I don't even make the "Petite" 5'4 cut), and Pilates classes. I've found my German classes, as well as Pilates which will begin in August - that's in a week or so, so I have time to prepare myself for them, as well as Ballet which will start in Sept (so that I will be somewhat stronger by then). I'll be getting back to fencing in a year... and maybe at the end of next year, I'll complete my first marathon.

Although all this is happening in the midst of really complicated and stressful circumstances at work, taking time to actually research things to invest into myself... I suddenly feel like I'm getting my life back a little bit at a time. :)

Food Report

Breakfast


  • 1/2 bowl Black Sesame Paste (Come on hair! Let's do this!)
  • Supplements: 1 CalcD tablet, 1 Hi-Omega 3 tablet, 1 cup Redoxon (Vitamin C + Zinc)
    As you can see, I just wanted to be done with all my supplements for the day

Lunch

  • 1 bowl pulled-pork porridge (obviously can't get enough of this. :) Proteins!)

Dinner (super big dinner today!)

  • 1 large cup of fresh watermelon juice
  • 1 bowl of pulled pork porridge with 4 tsp of curry stirred in. :) (Finished all of it. No leftovers!)
  • 1 cup Banana Almond Soy smoothie with ALOT of Nutella and 2 tsp Coconut Oil
  • Supplements: 1 CalcD tablet, 1 Hi-Omega 3 tablet


High point of the day

Investing time in researching things to get back to things I've "always wanted to do". :)
Low point of the day
No real low points today.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Day 31: One-month Post Op!

Pain Level: 2 - My left jaw hinge is still being naughty when it's time to brush my teeth. It's trying to keep my jaws closed! I tried to pop a huge Hi-Omega 3 tablet through my teeth today and I think I opened a little too wide. :( My stitches on my bottom jaw are hurting now. :((
Swelling: I think it's going down slowly. Yay, cheekbones. Come back soon! 
Other weirdness: Sometimes when I wake up, my hands feel numb and tingly for a while.
Mood: Hopeful.
Yay, new nail colour. :)
And yes, I'm still too swollen
and self-conscious
to dare to take a full photo.

So amazing things happened today.


First of all, I MADE IT!

I made it to one-month post-op! Hurrah!

I was so proud of myself, that I celebrated it by pampering myself with a mani and pedi, as well as whipping up a wonderful celebratory dinner (which fit into my syringe of course. :))


My manicurist made a comment about my nails and skin today though. :( She said that my skin has become really dry and that my nails obviously showed signs of a lack of nutrition because they had ugly ridges and cracks, and they were really thin. :( I guess the CalcD tablets have not been enough. I've been advised to take more soybean milk and tofu (which is apparently not Paleo) to get my nails back in shape... and to moisturize my feet and hands everyday from now till... forever I suppose. I guess this is a good exercise of discipline and self-care - stuff that I never really bothered too much about till now.

I started a new regime today of incorporating at least 2 teaspoons of coconut oil, as well as a Hi-Omega 3 tablet (on top of my current CalcD and Vitamin C+Zinc routine) into my daily diet. I also read somewhere that I should be taking Vitamin B supplements. :/ Man, I don't want to be popping too many pills. I'm going to try to see how I can incorporate those needs by taking fresh blended juices.  I am determined to get luscious beautiful hair at the end of 6 months! 

I had a really deep chat with my mum this morning again about my difficulties with getting used to the changes, as well as other things like my personal insecurities and concerns for the future. The sermon at church today also challenged me about how I have been living my life (specifically, on how well I have invested my time), and about my calling in life. The topics in the conversation, as well as the challenge, really brought me to a place of reflection and self-discovery - of things I've always set aside whilst I dealt with the aspects of life which were more of a concern to others, than to me; stuff that I was interested in but ignored, because others had needs or other expectations of me that I felt I had to fulfill first. 

With the heavy dinner I had tonight, I doubt I'm going to be sleeping for a while so I'm just going to look for a pilates class, look for a modelling class (yes, even though I don't make the height and currently maybe not even the weight requirements), as well as my next German class and exam - which is actually one of my resolutions this year. I'm pretty sure I'm going to pay Germany a nice long visit next year, and perhaps spend some time in England.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to get my life back in order.
Food Report


Breakfast

I think I'm going to start
a syringe-friendly
recipe book soon.

  • 1 cup Bananas, Peanut Butter, and Unsweetened Almondmilk (and some nutella)
    I stirred 2 teaspoons of coconut oil in to improve the shine of my hair. The coconut taste was so strong and I tried to mask it with the nutella. Didn't really work. ^^
  • 1 CalcD tablet

Lunch

  • Missed - I went to an art exhibition, and had a meeting after...and kinda forgot to bring my syringe out #^_^# But! The heavy breakfast kept me really full!

Dinner

  • 1/2 bowl Slow-cooked pulled pork in apple sauce! Delish!
  • 1 cup Redoxon
  • 1 CalcD tablet, 1 Hi-Omega 3 capsule


High point of the day

Did my nails! And a wonderful celebratory dinner!
Low point of the day
Realizing it's Monday again tomorrow. Boo... :(

Day 30: Being mistaken for a completely different culture :(

Pain Level: 1 - Left jaw joint still being weird and making opening my jaw difficult.
Swelling: Cheeks still feel tight and swollen.
Other weirdness: I somehow am more tired nowadays though I'm eating a little more.
Mood: Tired.

Went to a visit to the Peranakan museum today to explore my heritage a little more, and I took a little time out to try to push myself to get a little more walking out of my body after, but all that walking took so much out of me. I ended up having to take a really long nap when I got home.

The biggest thing that affected me today was when a tour guide asked if I was Vietnamese or Burmese. Her question has bugged me the whole day because I have never in my life been associated with those cultures. Since I was in kindergarten, I've had people mistake me for being half-white, Eurasian, Indonesian.... but this is the first time someone has thought I looked Burmese. I don't know how to describe it, but it was somewhat of a hit to my self-identity. I ended up dwelling on that all day and my dad eventually took me out for tea at the airport to "let it out" a little. (Thank God for dads.)

This process has really been so much more trying than I expected.

Food Report

Breakfast


  • 1 CalcD tablet (Was rushing out for a work tour. Didn't have time to eat.)

Lunch

  • 1 bowl tomato soup (which I strained from a minestrone soup).

Snack

  • A quarter of a slice of pandan steamed cake in unsweetened almond milk (First snack since the surgery!)

Dinner

  • 1 bowl Steamed/Baked Salmon (blended) It looked absolutely disgusting and depressing
  • 1 CalcD tablet


High point of the day

Getting a walk. Finally getting some proper protein in my diet...though it really looked terrible.
Low point of the day
Being mistaken for a culture that I've never-ever have been mistaken for. Also, having it affect me so thoroughly.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Day 29: Just another day...except with more swelling.

Pain Level: 1 - Jaw seems to be not very cooperative with opening and hurts when I try to open them to brush my teeth. 
Swelling: Cheeks seem a lot more swollen today to the point that they are pressing against my teeth inside. I think it was the preserved duck I ate yesterday. :(
Other weirdness: Still getting electrocutey feelings in my numb chin that come once in a while. My eyes are really sensitive to bright sunlight now (maybe because I have been cooped up at home for a while).
Mood: Really tired.

It was a long day of work and getting out for a farewell meal for one of the interns. I walked so much today that I have pretty much drained my body of all it's energy resources.

Apparently the duck I blended for the delicious duck porridge I made yesterday was a type of preserved roasted duck they now sell in Singapore supermarkets. I suppose I should have known that and steered clear, but today I'm facing the consequences - that of an increased swelling of my cheeks today. It's so uncomfortable as the muscles in my cheeks today are so tight and swollen that they are pushing against my teeth and I can barely speak comfortably. I really should have known. I need to be more careful about what I'm putting into my body. It's amazing how sensitive my body now is to MSG and all sorts of preservatives. I guess it's a good time for me to get into the habit of really clean-clean eating.

I missed another meal because of work again today - breakfast this time. I also had a pathetic "lunch" of coconut water. I'm going to have to find a way to have more regular meal times and proper food. 

I'm starting to find myself a little more adventurous with what I put in the blender now...though tonight's blended meal of cooked vegetables (cauliflower, cabbage and carrots) together with a sausage was absolutely revolting.

Okay, I need to wash up and sleep.
Energy today has been completely depleted.

Food Report

Breakfast

1 CalcD tablet.
I didn't have time to eat because I was rushing out for work so I just popped the tablet

Lunch
1/2 cup Coconut water
There was nothing else that I could eat in a random canteen on a work visit. Canned coconut water is disgusting.

Dinner
1 cup banana almond nutella blend (needed a perk-me-up)
1/2 bowl vegetables blended with a sausage (the first taste of sausage was nice, then it all went downhill from there)
1 CalcD tablet

High point of the day

Getting out for a while to walk around a mall for a bit I guess.
Low point of the day
Having my energy drained so quickly just from walking.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Day 28: Work and new foods

Pain Level: 1 - My jaw doesn't seem to open very well anymore. The jaw joints always ache when it try to open them. I think Orthoman may have banded the left side a little tighter.
Swelling: May have gone up slightly from all the talking...and all the sodium in my porridge tonight.
Other weirdness: My skin is really dry. I think it's from the lack of nutrients I've been having. Numb area on my chin still sends weird sensations. I hope feeling is coming back soon!
Mood: Tired from work, but excited to get back to office again.

These two days have been a lot about work. Yesterday I went back to work to oversee our HACCP audit preparations and it was SO stressful. I spent almost all my time there cleaning my office and setting everything straight. Today was mainly about...work. Though I technically spent only about 20 minutes physically in my office today before I went out for meetings. 


I'm going to try my best to get back to my normal working days...or at least start with half a day from tomorrow onwards. Nothing much else to report about these two days other than normal fainty spells... oh, and me getting hungrier.


Yes, that's rice,
vegetables and roasted duck
in a blender.
Today, as I sat opposite my parents as they indulged in Jalan Kayu roti prata and mee goreng (which they are really famous for), I just sat there imagining how delicious they would be if I could eat them. My stomach grumbled as I watched, but at the same time I couldn't imagine putting anything into my mouth. It was so hard to explain to my mum how my stomach was complaining, but my head just couldn't imagine eating anything - just the thought of having to put something into my mouth was such a turn off. It's like a big stomach vs head war.

When I got home at the end of the day, I felt like I was starving and needed to put something in my stomach. I just felt like I needed some protein in my body so I went scouting - starting with what my househelper had cooked my family for dinner. As I opened the oven, the smell of roasted black pepper duck filled the kitchen and I think that's when I couldn't hold it in anymore - I needed to eat it some way or another... so... I resorted to the blender.

I never thought I'd do it, but I did. I put a whole lot of duck slices (all the crispiest, fattiest, delicious bits), as well as a whole load of vegetables that I absolutely couldn't resist, together with a little bit of rice and hot water and whirred it up into a bowl of porridge. To be honest, it didn't look too appetizing, but gosh it tasted AMAZING. Finally, duck porridge! I honestly didn't, and don't, care how much fats there was in the porridge and it was saltier than I usually like my foods, but it was ROASTED DUCK PORRIDGE! I was just glad I could eat something tasty.
This was my duck porridgey result.
Doesn't look too appetizing here,
but it was delicious!

I think my food cravings have gone up ever since I started taking a little more carbs in my diet. I wonder if that's natural. But hey, I've begun to be able to eat TWO bowls of porridge in one sitting now! Achievement unlocked! I think I'm going to try to take more fruit blends too to ensure my vitamins are taken care of.

Almost one-month post-op! Can't believe how fast time flies.

Food Report (Day 27 & 28)

Breakfast


  • 1 bowl of winter melon congee
  • 1 CalcD tablet

Lunch (ate at about 3pm, so it was more of an early dinner)

  • 2 bowls of winter melon congee with beef bits (YAY!)
  • 1/2 cup of blended peach (it didn't taste as nice as yesterday. I think it oxidized.)

Dinner

  • 1 cup Redoxon
  • 1 CalcD tablet

Breakfast

  • 1/2 cup of blended blueberry juice
  • 1 cup of Redoxon
  • 1 CalcD tablet

Lunch

  • 1/2 a bowl of porridge my SIL cooked (it tasted nice, but I got irritated how long it was taking to eat this porridge because there were so many bits of stuff that wouldn't fit into my syringe)

Dinner (I was starving!)

  • 2 bowls of blended duck and vegetable porridge
  • 1 cup Redoxon
  • 1 CalcD tablet


High points of the days

Cleaning my office yesterday, duck porridge today.
Low points of the days
Seeing my office in such a bad state yesterday. No low points today... okay, maybe I was annoyed at the poor quality of work of one of my staff.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Day 26: Hangry!

Pain Level: 1 - Had some ache in my left jaw joint again tonight. Can't seem to open as well today.
Swelling: I can still see some shadow in my cheekbones.
Other weirdness: My left of my chin and lower lip is still numb. :( I'm also getting fainting spells a lot more often nowadays. :/
Mood: Was Hangry, but a little more over it now.

I think today's the first day I've experienced "hanger" (pronounced "h-anger") which is basically anger that comes as a result of hunger. 

Every Tuesday is our official family dinner day at home. It's a little like Thanksgiving, or reunion dinner, except that it happens every week. And tonight was family dinner night. On the table was beef, fish, asparagus wrapped in bacon, sprouts, achar, fresh little apricots and grapes..and all sorts of other stuff. The food looked so good, the smell of bacon and delicious greens was in the air (I LOVE and CANNOT RESIST vegetables) and I could imagine exactly how each tasted, and yet I found myself sitting at the other end of the table with my little syringe and a bowl of mushed up winter melon soup. It was highly depressing...and that's when it came - HAnger. 

I think it was probably the first time I've ever experienced it, but I was completely taken off guard by it. I suddenly felt like I didn't want to eat my soup, I didn't like the colour of my bowl, I was completely unreasonable and all I wanted to do was to stuff something nice and cheesy and crunchy in my mouth (for example, a delicious Cheetos puff)...but I couldn't. I was throwing a hangry tantrum inside, and it caught me by surprise.

ANTM All-Stars with hotdogs!
Loved this shoot.
I eventually did eat my soup though - 2 bowls even. And finished with some fresh blended peaches. I just decided to be a good girl and sent myself to brush my teeth and did some strength training and it calmed me down a little. But honestly, I can't wait to eat properly again in a couple of months. 

I did have some something positive come out from my hangry episode though - cooking inspiration. I think it was somewhere in between my syringes of winter melon soup that I started thinking about what other food possibilities there were for patients on a liquid diet and I got some inspiration by the beef on the family dinner table, as well as a random Macdonald's advertisement of the great banana pies they have now in Singapore. So, sometime in the next few days, I'm going to try to make a beef congee, and I'm going to make some grilled bananas with honey and cinnamon (they should be easily mashed up to fit into the syringe). I think at the end of these few months, I might just have a nice little compilation of syringe-friendly recipes for jaw surgery patients...and perhaps they'll have a better time than picky-eater-me. Seriously, the recipes out there for jaw surgery patients are pathetic. Enough with soups and smoothies and blended gross things!

On other random (and possibly TMI notes), my bowels seem to be working again. I honestly don't know what triggered them, but I found myself spending a little more time in the toilet this morning, and was surprised that I actually had much in me to get rid off (considering my very poor appetite for the past few weeks).  I eventually figured that I may have been storing food in my intestines over the past few weeks... and it's finally out. It's weird and wonderful in a strictly biological way. It's got to be a good sign.


Also, I eventually didn't go back to office today because I was having quite a few fainting spells (where you kinda get dizzy and you think you might black-out, but don't). I hope they go away tomorrow!

Okay, I'm off to sleep. I really do need to sleep a little more.

Food Report

Breakfast


  • 1/2 cup of mushed cereal in almond milk (this was so gross, and I wasted most of the cereal which just couldn't dissolve)
  • 1/2 cup of black sesame paste
  • 1 CalcD tablet

Lunch

  • 1 cup of Redoxon (Somehow just couldn't get myself to eat. :/)

Dinner

  • 2 bowls winter melon soup
  • 1/2 cup fresh blended peach juice
  • 1 CalcD tablet


High point of the day

Watching a little more modeling stuff. Preparing myself to get back to work tomorrow.
Low point of the day
Not really a "low point", but I was (am) concerned about my fainting spells.